What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?

The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..

Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.

What did i know ?

This ‘smoke’ ring was formed by one of the biggest creatures on Earth. Scientists say it has never been documented before - BBC Wildlife Magazine

Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!

I was scared of men, in general

And i lived it daily.

The players who will dominate MLB trade deadline rumors — and how likely it is they’ll be moved - New York Post

So, i spoilt her more .

I had hoped to write a book about this .

You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.

A Korean Stuido made Stellar Blade and Japanese stuido is remastering Lollipop Chainsaw. So why are western developers so aginst to cenvtunal female beauty?

Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years

I was seconnd youngest,

Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.

Is it true that Jehovah's witnesses once thought the world would end in 1975?

But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!

One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.

I write beautiful poetry .

Are landlords allowed to make unreasonable requests?

We all went to grammer schools

I think the readers, may guess!

But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!

Why are US customs agents so talkative? I cringed hard when a US customs agent asked me if I was on vacation. He doesn’t need to know why I went to another country as long as I am a U.S. citizen.

I know ,a lot about trauma.

Another so called friend had bit the dust..

Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..

As a woman, what would be you response to a male friend’s offer of a full body massage?

My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!

.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them

I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.

Can the right person make a narc want to change their ways? Is love that powerful? Has anyone seen this or experience it?

19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.

Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?

I waited trembling.

Hi everybody! I have been looking at posts on narcs and narc abuse on here and if has really helped me out a lot. I am currently struggling with my situation and need some advice/support. I met a narc last year, everything seemed to good to be true. Love bombing, always texting calling and taking me on dates. Everything changed when someone warned me about him out in public in front of him and who he is. This caused a conflict with us and the love bombing seized. he would tell me that everything is okay and i can come and talk. He would set a time limit on me and kick me out after that. he would then text me like everything was fine and we hung out again and after that he completely ghosted me for one week. He came back and texted me a week later laughing about the ghosting and acting like nothing had happened. he continued to text me ( not like in the beginning) make plans with me, then on the day of the plans he would just ghost me. One day he would act interested the next silence. i contacted him a month later and he acted like nothing happened. He was on a vacation and sent me a picture of another woman ( someone he allegedly met on the trip) to strike a reaction but i never gave him one. After the trip he came to my place and was extremely rude, accusing me of going on dates with a bunch of men. The next day he accused me of being an alcoholic and that he wanted nothing to do with me but said well maybe we can be "friends" then ghosted me i assumed at this point it was over and i would never hear from him again. He contacted me on the holiday a month later acting like everything was great. We ended up hanging out a month or so later and when we hung out it went well, i thought things were going in the right direction. after we hung out.. silence. I would try to text him and if he replied it would be very short then he just stopped replying. He ghosted me for almost three months. I thought he was done this time and of course he popped up again like nothing happened. At this point i was getting sick of if so i questioned him as to why he dissapeared and always does this. Of course he had some sob story about a injury and family member dying of cancer. I felt pity for him and he gave me an apology.. so i took him back stupidly. things seemed to be going smooth for a couple months, of course until his family member died and his injury got better he never contacted me and was distant. Menawhile, i was there for him during the difficult time for him. He lied to me about the funeral and never wanted to chat. I was chasing him and he would always claim nothing was wrong but when i said i thought he used me when he was down he could not handle it and would always tell me he didnt care and to go away. I would get so upset i would try texting him to work it out he would barelt respond and if he did he would not be nice about it. we did hang out a couple times after that, he would ignore me after. One day i was like hey i think you are seeing someone else, and i was like well ixam seeing someone so no problem if you are he said " buy bye good luck with your new guy stop contacting me" i was devastated and tried to get into contact with him for weeks then i just gave up and accepted it was over. He ended up contacting me a month later acting like everything was fine. He wanted to go out and have drinks i told him i would. He and i both seemed to have a great time. He ends up ignoring me again. I kept texting him trying to figure out what was wrong. He kept saying everything was fine and i said ok can we hang out again? He said maybe i was like why? He just kept saying maybe … our last conversation we had… i said what is wrong ? He said nothing is wrong everything is fine. I asked him why he keeps saying maybe. He said " maybe but i dont want to see you right now" i said why? He saix " im just not feeling it, if i wanted to date i would" i said why did you contact me less then a week ago wanting to go out? He said i didnt.. even though he did. So i said should i just move on or what? He said whatever you want to do. So i said that he was really confusing me and asked him if he had anything more to say before i move on? My messages were turning green so i panicked he blocked me and reacted irrationally. I said " omg did you block me? My messages are not going through. Even texted him on my work phone asking what was up. And called him twice ( please dont judge me i know it is pathetic i never was this type of girl before him) so he replied and said " Ok I'll block you now" then immedietly blocked me. He has never blocked me before since I have met him he will just ghost. Is this ths final discard aka " grand finale? Did i just push him too far? this has upset me so much its hard to even function.

Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other

All the time i was locked up.

Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.

Were any US Generals hurt or killed yesterday in Damascus, Syria, yesterday 5/9/24?

They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?

Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.

Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.

But it wasn’t much.

Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.

His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.

But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.

She was in good health!

I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor

One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)

He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!

I did it because my mum asked me too!

The only rule us 5 kids had .

One cannot live in the past .

But im dying ,and its too late for me.

Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)

As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.

I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!

I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!

Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.

I will be 64.

I have no regrets .

And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)

I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers

Who then, do I blame.?

The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!

5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.

Comes on , in middle age.

We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!

He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!

Its mostly always from childhood abuse .

I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.

At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.

He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.

I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.

Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!

Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.

We could never speak unless he spoke to us!

My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.

But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!

She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.

Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.

Im dying but, im not bitter.

Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.

My family never makes their pension either.

Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t

As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!

Put me off passion for life!!

She wouldn,t have been !

The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.

So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.

He was dying to do it , i knew.

This is soul school!.

I was writing from the time i was a small child.

My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.

As i do to all so called friends.?

It was going to be , some day.

Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.

I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.

My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.

He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.

He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!

And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!

Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.

So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.

Would this be the day?

We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..

We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.

Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..

As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.

As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!

We were not on the streets..

Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.

I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)

But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,

I don,t even have a pension.

She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!

I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.

I might have to go back 30 generations or more..

Was to survive, this bastard.

I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.

Especially a lifetime of it.

It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.

I never cut or harmed myself..

I suffer greatly, because of BPD..

She loved him until the end.

My life is so biszare .

And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!

Why did i forgive my father ?

One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.

Thats was my nicest nick name for him

We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.

Ive learnt so much.

The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,

For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)

Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..

He knew the spot.

I was very sick at this time too.

Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!

As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)

He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.

And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!

She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!

I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.

She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!

He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!

Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.

Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.

But, we were locked up after school.

A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.

Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.

My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .

And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!

That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.

She married twice! .

I could never make a relationship work though!

And who doesn’t know suffering?

With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.

When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!

Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!

One cannot hold on to bitterness.

I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.

And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.

I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.

His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!

On the 31st of Jan this month .

Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..

Where the ultimate outsiders.

Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.

BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.

But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).

But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !

He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .

Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life

I was 9 years of age.

Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.

I couldn’t, believe it.

Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.

I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.

They are buried together, in the same grave..

I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .

I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.

I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.

And, all my friends down the years ,where users.

But ive been too sick for many years..

Im still living with it.

My mum and dad in the seventies!

She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.

It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.

But im an empath, and i help lots of people.

Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.

My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.

She died at 55 of colon cancer.

She found it foreign!.

But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .

(And it was in our own minds.)

He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.

He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!

When she asked me how she looked .

This is how, and why children get BPD.

And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .

He resisted the act ,that day.

Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!

You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .

I said to her

He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.

So whats the point in blame.

Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.

She was a women, a mother with her own children!.

I of course replied” arh beautiful!